Usually I must have something give me a reason to rant before I do so, and that is no exception today. Think of the word "rant," however; a negative aura surrounds that word, as if in order to rant you must be pretty ticked off. That's not the case for me today. I had a positive experience revolving around being child-free and making this known to a parent yesterday.
As I mentioned in the post above, it has recently become clear that my husband has the ugly grasp of a personality disorder. I am not going to sit around and wait while this begins to control us, so we have been going to counseling to learn how to deal with this and how to get things back to their normally perfect state. Yesterday was my individual session, while next week will be my husband's, and the week after we will both get to hear answers to certain questions that we gave the counselor. I would find this hilariously fun if it weren't for the circumstances, but despite the situation, I am having fun with this. I can't wait to hear Tim's answers to the questions I answered yesterday, and I'm already guessing as to what his answers could be.
At the together session just a week and a day ago, we were told that out of thousands of couples the counselor has seen over the fifty years he has been doing this, we work together as a couple the best. And yesterday, I had to answer some questions about God: three words that describe Him, and one word that definitely would NOT describe Him. After I thought for quite awhile on the latter (after not having any trouble giving all sorts of words out for friends, family members, and Tim himself), I finally said, "God is everywhere. I guess I'll have to be standard with this and say that God is definitely not evil." The counselor, an 80+ cute Methodist minister, looked at me in awe, and replied, "All these years, and you are one of three people to tell me that. I am impressed."
Okay, so not so standard. I have come to appreciate all the compliments I'm getting from this adorable old man. Tim and I both told him that one reason we are together and could care less if we were the only ones on the earth (actually, that would be wonderful 99% of the time) was because of the fact we are such radicals and we share these views with each other. Both of us are child-free libertarian vegans, not to mention straight-edge, and you just don't find that often.
At the session yesterday, with pen and paper in hand, the counselor asked me, "What are your personal goals for your marriage? Do you plan on having a family?" For any child-free person, they absolutely hate getting this question, and for two reasons. For one, I already have my family, and we are perfect the way we are. For two, answering the question as a child-free individual just does not end well in the majority of situations. Yet, I had to answer truthfully, so I replied, "No, actually. Tim and I don't mind kids, but we definitely don't want any of our own."
The counselor's response was simple. "Oh, okay." Nodding, he added, "Another thing that you share that is different."
What? Just that? And said in an understanding, caring manner? No. I expected more prejudice from someone who isn't child-free, and a minister, at that! I expected a scolding on the blessings of kids, how the very point of marriage is to reproduce (and what, did you actually think you went into marriage for love? Bah!). Or, come on, at least give me this: "Who will take care of you when you're older?"
Here I was, ready to be defensive, and the man was understanding. I was grateful, but shocked. Rarely are people understanding of what is different, especially when it revolves around something like kids, where everyone must like kids and want to be with them 24/7 or you simply aren't human. I have been scolded like a child for being child-free before, and from a whole variety of people who really shouldn't have a say in whether my reproductive organs do their complete "job" or not. When I lived with my parents, we had a housekeeper who was adament about getting me to have kids. She had one child herself and was a single mother, and her son was getting into trouble all the time with the law, and threatened once to call the cops on her because she threw a dinner plate at him. With a background like that, where do I sign up to be a parent? Seriously, though, she once said to me, "When a little child comes piddle-paddling up to you and tugs on your shirt and says, 'Mommy, Mommy!' it's the best feeling in the world." My response was a look of disgust, quite frankly, and I said, "I'm sorry, but that would be hell for me. I'd have to turn that kid around and find a different Mommy for it to bother."
What comes of this? Well, when you have an argument between a child-free individual and a parent, obviously the child-free are going to come out of it looking like horrible people. They are against children? How can that be? (Insert audience gasp here.) I don't want children for a super long list of reasons. One night in my senior year of high school, I skipped reading to write a list. I passed 100 before I got bored and started to read again. Yet, when asked why they DO want kids, people tend to have to think about it before they give a reason or two. Because...they just do? They want a Little Me? They don't want to be lonely when they are older? They want to pass on the genes. They think they would be a good parent, and they want to put that to the test. Wait...and the child-free are called selfish? Why are the reasons for parenting me, me, me? I have met one person in my entire life whose reasoning for having children was not selfish, and she hasn't had kids yet. But my point is this: it doesn't matter the reasons, nor why a person has them. If you want kids, it is of no one's say to tell you differently. The same goes for the opposite: I don't want kids, and instead of being anti-kid and telling me to have them when I'm certainly not going to be a good mother and subjecting a human life to that, why can't you all leave it be?
Sigh. I simply want my beliefs to be respected. I never push my beliefs at others and I wish I could expect the same. I worked in a diet office once, and I let people know I was vegan, but offered nothing further. I never asked people why they ate meat, didn't they know that 100% of recorded anemic cases are from people who eat meat and dairy and NOT vegans, etc., etc.? Because I left others alone, I expected similar treatment. One diet tech in particular did not let me go about it. He had a different set of questions everyday for me, disrespecting my beliefs and my reasons for having them. Twice, I proved him wrong about a nutritional subject (the subjects of, particularly, peanut butter vs. sunbutter, and the fact that soy is the only plant complete protein), and only after the latter was solved and I again was the victor did he leave me alone.
Why do those who are different have to continually explain their beliefs? Why does my being vegan or child-free hurt you? Why, if I ask "Why do you eat meat" or "Why in the world did you have kids?!" am I looked at as if I'm alien, but the opposite questions are completely okay?
I am a radical because I have found both through experience and fact that being the norm is the worst you could possibly be. That is why I am vegan, libertarian, AND child-free. Each has years of research and experience following up to my strong belief, and I have found each to be a highly intelligent decision (the vegan belief in general, the other two are intelligent and tailored to myself, of course). People, on the whole, are lost creatures that follow whatever is trendy. As pessimistic as that sounds, it is wholly true, and I strive to be different. The point? I strive to not be you, and not be in the norm. So don't try it. Thank you.
Showing posts with label child-free. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child-free. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Monday, May 11, 2009
First Blog: Why am I a radical?
As according to www.dictionary.reference.com, something that is radical is "thoroughgoing or extreme, especially as regards change from accepted or traditional forms". To put it mildly, I have radical beliefs on a few aspects of life ranging from parenting (or lack thereof), to politics, to diet, and a few less important subjects. These radical beliefs, when brought up in a typical conversation with someone I don't know well, tends to cause disbelief in the other person or questions as to why I am the way I am.
We all have beliefs that range out of the normality of things. One could argue that being a Republican whom is pro-choice is radical, although I would hope most would agree that a political party is not a definition of one's individuality but a general set of ideas that revolve around political subject matter. Although radical beliefs tend to cause an uproar and confusion when in debates (and I am quite used to being judged for being individualistic, to say it in one way), my own opinion leads me to believe that a society where individuals were encouraged to act and think the same would only succeed to bring us to a 1984 type world where people are nothing but tools and sheep.
Am I saying that anyone whom does not have drastically weird or out-of-the-norm beliefs is a sheep in a herd? Of course not; even if you had a drastically weird belief forced upon enormous groups of people, these people would become void of personality and tend to follow rather than lead. Having a belief that is shared by many does not make you a sheep. However, bringing up a radical belief tends to make the other parties within the conversation look at you as if you are alien.
Let me announce quickly the top three reasons I am a radical: I am child-free (meaning I do not and will not have children because I simply don't want them, not because I cannot), I am vegan (in simpler terms, pure vegetarian; one whom abstains from all animal products ranging from meat to dairy to honey to leather, silk, and gelatin), and I am a libertarian (a political party that is in the extreme minority; it's basic and uncomplicated approach is the smaller government the better and to allow people control over their own lives). Obviously, there are many other child-free people, both men and women, out there. The same with vegans and libertarians. However, we must admit to each other that there are far more parents than non-parents in the United States (where I reside), and that there are far more meat-eaters in America than non, and finally that the number of libertarians compared with Republicans and Democrats is hardly an issue because the numbers and percentages are so vastly different.
Do these three beliefs make me crazy? Of course not; they make me an individual. No one in this world has every single belief in the same order of importance as myself; I would be willing to bet that no one has the same as you, or the person you saw last. We cannot be placed within a group so long as we say we cannot.
Are these the only things that make me radical? That could be argued. The very fact that I'm putting the generic label of a radical on myself could be argued as well with the beliefs and issues I've put onto the table. This is the way I choose to look at myself, so to argue would be futile.
I consider myself somewhat radical for choosing to live a moral lifestyle when it comes to entertainment, for example. I do not watch movies with sexual content (even sensuality), nudity, graphic violence and/or gore, for example, because I do not think it is right. I have not seen a movie with this content for over five years because I think it is unnecessary and disgusting. Many people don't like this content but don't go so far as to stop supporting or funding it. Do I have a problem with these people? No. I don't understand why they continue to watch things they don't care for, but their decisions are their own.
The same with videogames. I love videogames and actually do consider them one of my more entertaining hobbies. But I will not play videogames with the same content that I consider to be immoral in movies. Although listening to some music is inevitable (overhearing a neighbor car's blaring stereo, for example), I avoid music that sends wrong messages as well.
This tiny belief of mine--avoiding what I believe to be immoral--is, surprisingly, not accepted or not believed by many whom hear of it. Why some think that my decisions to avoid things such as these are troubling to themselves is a mystery to me. Why people go flock to the latest teen movie with the unnecessary sex scenes and humor is beyond me, but has no effect on my personal life and therefore is not a problem. I was once told that I must be egotistical since I don't want to see anyone's naked body besides my own. Not only is that a faulty argument and completely off topic and point, but it doesn't even make sense. If I only wanted to see myself naked, being married wouldn't make sense and I'd run around naked in a mirrored room. Even if being egotistical were the reason, why would this person ruin precious time of his/her life worrying about why I make the decisions I do? I believe that intimacy is a beautiful thing for two people to share together; I do not believe that it is something for me to intrude upon, whether real or acted out.
Another arguable belief of mine is what I think of as relaxed Christianity...I am Christian but also believe in allowing others to make their own decisions. Sure, I will tell someone else I am Christian and why and what I love about it--if they ask or if we are in a conversation about just that subject. Why force my opinions on another person? How is telling someone they will go to hell or that they are sinning going to get them closer to God? I am no perfect person by any means; therefore, I will not go around telling everyone else that they are sinners without admitting my own sins. Actually, I would not tell anyone they were a sinner no matter the case; that is not my job in this life. I believe the best way to be a Christian is to be one. Kind and compassion will always win my favor over screaming at someone that they will go to hell because they do not believe in Jesus.
Perhaps the most radical thing about me is how some of my beliefs tend to conflict in the view of standard belief systems. For example, many Christians have children because they truly believe they are a gift from God, and/or are against birth control because of their view of the Bible, and/or believe it is a sin to go against the "be fruitful and multiply" line of the Good Book. There are many Christians, as well, whom are against not eating meat because "God said it was okay." I was even told once by a pastor that being vegan was a religion by itself; he told me that I worshipped plants rather than God and did not use all of His gifts. I found it appalling that this man was even a pastor. He was not judging me, necessarily; he was judging his assumption of my character.
My beliefs may seem like they conflict because of what society and/or the average person may deem a belief entails. For example, for some Christians, being vegetarian or vegan is not, in their opinion, using all of the resources the Lord gave us. I am a Christian, and my view on meat-eating is simply that the Lord gave us dominion over our animals, much like the Queen of England has dominion over her people. It does not mean she eats them; it simply means she must take care of them and watch for their well-being for the sake of her own. I do not think meat-eating is sinful, but I avoid it because I believe it is immoral and that immorality and Christianity are two that cannot mix well but tend to get forced together too often.
This is why individuality is so beautiful. Debating (nicely, of course, not resorting to name-calling and overly ignorant assumptions) can teach anyone new things if they allow it. Beliefs and their reasons for being within the individual, if different than your own, can teach a person how one's upbringing conflicts or goes hand-in-hand with what they were taught or what they have experienced. This does not mean you must change your opinion or your mind-set; however, if you are open-minded and learn to accept, you can become wiser than others whose world is black and white and anyone whom is anything other than that is wrong. If you open your mind wide enough, you may just find more intelligence to add to your own arguments or beliefs.
Or you may find your own opinions changing for the better.
We all have beliefs that range out of the normality of things. One could argue that being a Republican whom is pro-choice is radical, although I would hope most would agree that a political party is not a definition of one's individuality but a general set of ideas that revolve around political subject matter. Although radical beliefs tend to cause an uproar and confusion when in debates (and I am quite used to being judged for being individualistic, to say it in one way), my own opinion leads me to believe that a society where individuals were encouraged to act and think the same would only succeed to bring us to a 1984 type world where people are nothing but tools and sheep.
Am I saying that anyone whom does not have drastically weird or out-of-the-norm beliefs is a sheep in a herd? Of course not; even if you had a drastically weird belief forced upon enormous groups of people, these people would become void of personality and tend to follow rather than lead. Having a belief that is shared by many does not make you a sheep. However, bringing up a radical belief tends to make the other parties within the conversation look at you as if you are alien.
Let me announce quickly the top three reasons I am a radical: I am child-free (meaning I do not and will not have children because I simply don't want them, not because I cannot), I am vegan (in simpler terms, pure vegetarian; one whom abstains from all animal products ranging from meat to dairy to honey to leather, silk, and gelatin), and I am a libertarian (a political party that is in the extreme minority; it's basic and uncomplicated approach is the smaller government the better and to allow people control over their own lives). Obviously, there are many other child-free people, both men and women, out there. The same with vegans and libertarians. However, we must admit to each other that there are far more parents than non-parents in the United States (where I reside), and that there are far more meat-eaters in America than non, and finally that the number of libertarians compared with Republicans and Democrats is hardly an issue because the numbers and percentages are so vastly different.
Do these three beliefs make me crazy? Of course not; they make me an individual. No one in this world has every single belief in the same order of importance as myself; I would be willing to bet that no one has the same as you, or the person you saw last. We cannot be placed within a group so long as we say we cannot.
Are these the only things that make me radical? That could be argued. The very fact that I'm putting the generic label of a radical on myself could be argued as well with the beliefs and issues I've put onto the table. This is the way I choose to look at myself, so to argue would be futile.
I consider myself somewhat radical for choosing to live a moral lifestyle when it comes to entertainment, for example. I do not watch movies with sexual content (even sensuality), nudity, graphic violence and/or gore, for example, because I do not think it is right. I have not seen a movie with this content for over five years because I think it is unnecessary and disgusting. Many people don't like this content but don't go so far as to stop supporting or funding it. Do I have a problem with these people? No. I don't understand why they continue to watch things they don't care for, but their decisions are their own.
The same with videogames. I love videogames and actually do consider them one of my more entertaining hobbies. But I will not play videogames with the same content that I consider to be immoral in movies. Although listening to some music is inevitable (overhearing a neighbor car's blaring stereo, for example), I avoid music that sends wrong messages as well.
This tiny belief of mine--avoiding what I believe to be immoral--is, surprisingly, not accepted or not believed by many whom hear of it. Why some think that my decisions to avoid things such as these are troubling to themselves is a mystery to me. Why people go flock to the latest teen movie with the unnecessary sex scenes and humor is beyond me, but has no effect on my personal life and therefore is not a problem. I was once told that I must be egotistical since I don't want to see anyone's naked body besides my own. Not only is that a faulty argument and completely off topic and point, but it doesn't even make sense. If I only wanted to see myself naked, being married wouldn't make sense and I'd run around naked in a mirrored room. Even if being egotistical were the reason, why would this person ruin precious time of his/her life worrying about why I make the decisions I do? I believe that intimacy is a beautiful thing for two people to share together; I do not believe that it is something for me to intrude upon, whether real or acted out.
Another arguable belief of mine is what I think of as relaxed Christianity...I am Christian but also believe in allowing others to make their own decisions. Sure, I will tell someone else I am Christian and why and what I love about it--if they ask or if we are in a conversation about just that subject. Why force my opinions on another person? How is telling someone they will go to hell or that they are sinning going to get them closer to God? I am no perfect person by any means; therefore, I will not go around telling everyone else that they are sinners without admitting my own sins. Actually, I would not tell anyone they were a sinner no matter the case; that is not my job in this life. I believe the best way to be a Christian is to be one. Kind and compassion will always win my favor over screaming at someone that they will go to hell because they do not believe in Jesus.
Perhaps the most radical thing about me is how some of my beliefs tend to conflict in the view of standard belief systems. For example, many Christians have children because they truly believe they are a gift from God, and/or are against birth control because of their view of the Bible, and/or believe it is a sin to go against the "be fruitful and multiply" line of the Good Book. There are many Christians, as well, whom are against not eating meat because "God said it was okay." I was even told once by a pastor that being vegan was a religion by itself; he told me that I worshipped plants rather than God and did not use all of His gifts. I found it appalling that this man was even a pastor. He was not judging me, necessarily; he was judging his assumption of my character.
My beliefs may seem like they conflict because of what society and/or the average person may deem a belief entails. For example, for some Christians, being vegetarian or vegan is not, in their opinion, using all of the resources the Lord gave us. I am a Christian, and my view on meat-eating is simply that the Lord gave us dominion over our animals, much like the Queen of England has dominion over her people. It does not mean she eats them; it simply means she must take care of them and watch for their well-being for the sake of her own. I do not think meat-eating is sinful, but I avoid it because I believe it is immoral and that immorality and Christianity are two that cannot mix well but tend to get forced together too often.
This is why individuality is so beautiful. Debating (nicely, of course, not resorting to name-calling and overly ignorant assumptions) can teach anyone new things if they allow it. Beliefs and their reasons for being within the individual, if different than your own, can teach a person how one's upbringing conflicts or goes hand-in-hand with what they were taught or what they have experienced. This does not mean you must change your opinion or your mind-set; however, if you are open-minded and learn to accept, you can become wiser than others whose world is black and white and anyone whom is anything other than that is wrong. If you open your mind wide enough, you may just find more intelligence to add to your own arguments or beliefs.
Or you may find your own opinions changing for the better.
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